BE PRESENT

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have missed out on signs, red flags, blessings, happiness, opportunities just because I was too pre occupied in my mind about what should or shouldn’t have been rather than WHAT IS.

Most of us are trapped in a fantasy world and have lost touch with reality. Fantasy is a beautiful thing because it enables imagination which in turn enables creativity or action. This fantasy world also provides an escape from the real world for some people. Fantasy on the downside can blind us from realizing how blessed we are. It robs us of the joy of the present. I remember way back in high school when I, like so many teens binge watched telenovelas. In our minds we day dreamed of tall, well built shirtless men with sweat dripping down their biceps, with arms as strong as a stallion and smiles as bright as the morning sun🙄🙄 (looks up to the sky and takes a deep breath). God, the men in our heads were FINE!!!! I am still waking up to reality🤣

I have learnt that the only way to grow, to change, to heal is to be very much aware of who and where you are at the moment. I for the longest time thought that I could heal, change, or wipe away fear by ignoring the negative thoughts in my mind and just pushing them away. It worked for a short while and then the thoughts and the pain and the fear would come back swinging in with a force far much greater than before. Then in I would go, ignoring, pushing, blocking and denying over and over and over again (tiering right!!!!). One day I came to the realization that I didn’t really know what it was that I was scared of or running from or what my pain was or even what I wanted to change from. I decided to give my pain and my fears a chance. I sat down, paper and pen in hand and invited all of it to the red table (Hi Jada😉). I asked myself questions and my fears and myself had a conversation. I wrote down everything I was feeling and thought and decided to be PRESENT. In this meeting with self, I was armed to the tooth with facts (The word of God and who I truly knew I was and what I am capable of.) I let fear, pain, doubt and insecurities speak first, I LISTENED, then I RESPONDED. I only saw change in my life when I had this conversation with myself. I guess what I am saying is that, you can’t truly deal with anything unless you know what it is that you are dealing with.

In life so many people struggle for acceptance, however there is no way we can accept others for who they are less we first accept ourselves for who we are and yet to accept yourself for who you are, you must be present to how you feel, all your flaws and everything else that you would rather avoid. You have to resist the urge to create ideal situations in your mind of what should be rather than what actually is. Writing this also brings to mind the fact that even in relationships, people most often fall in love with the idea of what the other person will be and not who or what they actually are at the moment. WHY???Here are my two cents; 1. Because that’s what every one is selling, 2. Its easier to deal with people or rather endure them as we wait for them to metamorphose into our idea of who they will be or what they sold us into buying😒

Have you ever thought about how liberating, enlightening and honest the present is? let me give you a clue. if we were present to how people treat us, we would stop making excuses for them. if we are present to how we feel at the moment, then we would be able to look our fears in the eye and not hide behind masks of false “okaydom”, we would be able to unconditionally accept and deal with issues as they are and not hope them away, if we are present then we would leave the past where it belongs, In the past! If we are present we would realize how beautiful, blessed and loved we are. IF WE ARE PRESENT WE WOULD BE GRATEFUL

There is still so much that I am learning about being present but for now I hope you will choose to be present. Be present to yourself, your family, friends, spouse and the world. Be present and you will truly see

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Fatherless Daughters

Sage Viv

Love recognizes no barriers. It Jumps hurdles. Leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope~Maya Angelou.

Our Seventh Guest on the stories of Hope series is the Phenomenal Samali Acham, an author of the book entitled The Seed She planted, a lioness raised by strong inspirational women. She is passionate about empowering children and young people. It is not uncommon for her to stop in her tracks to respond to the cry of a wounded heart. She believes in creating simple but unforgettable moments and encounters. Food is her favorite plaything, and the kitchen is her playground.

Be sure to check out her blog, samaliacham@blogspot.com and follow her on Instagram achamsamali.

Ihope her story weaves symphonies that will cast darkness away and soothe the ache in your heart as it did to mine. It is such an Honour to host you, Madam! Your…

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Ouch!!!!

I once dated a guy who told me I was too demanding. They were not in any bit pleasant words to hear. I chewed on these words, digested them, regurgitated and then chewed them again and they always left a bitter taste in my mouth. I kept thinking about what it was about me that made him think that way about me. please note that those who know me and I mean really know me know that I don’t attach monetary requirements to my relationships (at least back then I didn’t). I didn’t really ask for money A LOT, with this particular person, and we didn’t spend a lot of time together cos it was one of those long-distance relationships. So, for him to say that I was too demanding was harsh. What I heard when he said that “was you are asking for too much, be grateful for what you are getting”.

Hearing this from him made me cautious and added to my already existing insecurities (caring more about what people thought and said about me rather than what I thought or said about myself being one of those major insecurities). I began asking less from and about him for fear of being “too demanding” (please note that I naturally ask A LOT of questions, I AM VERY INQUISITIVE), I began calling less, and basically resorted to just saying yes and ok. Sadly, the effects of just this one statement went on even further than our breakup. I would meet a guy and as soon as I realized his interest in me, I would withdraw for fear of him realizing how “demanding” I am. It actually became my defense strategy, as soon as someone asked me out, I would be like “mm will you handle, me am too “demanding”. I remember having a conversation with a friend about what qualities I wanted to have in a guy. And every time this question was asked, I had no idea what I wanted. Cos every time I wanted to say something I thought, that’s too demanding, be modest, you are expecting too much. Where will you get that.

I would like to be very clear from the onset that expectation is not pressure. It is a idea, a feeling, a vision, a need, an ideal that you communicate to an individual with an aim of them understanding who you are, what you stand for and what you are working towards. This is to help such an individual and yourself decide whether they fit in your space by either complementing, aiding or challenging you.

There are people that I will always hold accountable and who I hope hold me accountable too. Because to me accountability translates love. Living life without expectations from people though most say is freeing, doesn’t really sit well with me. When you are a part of my life, I will most certainly expect some things from you and vice versa otherwise why are you here in the first place. When people fail to meet expectations, it’s very and I repeat very ok to remove ourselves from their spaces or them from ours. Employers do it all the time and its normal (YOUR PERFORMANCE IS BELOW EXPECTATIONS). The reason why a company or employer will let you go with such a reason is because with you, they will not get what they envision. They work from the end result; their vision determines the people they want in their space. Maybe we need to normalize it too. You see, the people we surround ourselves with always reflect us. After being in certain spaces, with or without being taught or told we will pick up habits. But when you don’t know the kind of person you are made to be or what quality of life you want to live, you will not hold the people around you accountable or expect anything from them and you will even be afraid to speak up when you are being treated wrong. Sadly though, you will not even know when they are pulling you down.

It’s only when we have expectations of people that we can hold them accountable. Have expectations of people and hold them accountable for how they behave or treat you because you deserve to be valued and treated right. Be bold to tell that person OR people in your life that if they are not going to live up to certain expectations or standards then its ok for them to walk away, and be bold enough to walk away YOURSELF and let them go.

There is no growth where there are no expectations. Expectations challenge us and every time we try to meet expectations or live up to them, it shows that we value that person or place and want to be a part of them and hence we will grow. If you love a job or organization, you will always work to meet or exceed expectations (anything contrary communicates a disassociation or misplaced passion). IT SHOULD BE THE SAME WITH OUR RELATIONSHIPS!!!!

Most people have failed to grow or become their best self because the people who surround them are “understanding” they are not challenged in any way and nothing is really expected of them. Our environment makes us and while discussing with a friend in one of our awesome car rides, it actually downed on me that if I have a goal or fighting an addiction or a character flaw per say, the people I surround myself with will either aid the flaw or help me overcome it. When I want to be a generous person, I expect the people I interact with to be either working towards the same or are already super generous individuals so that their traits can rub off on me.

In one of Oprah Winfry’s Life classes with Bishop TD JAKES, they talk about being a voluminous person expecting from pint people. You see the person you are expecting from may be giving you the best they can offer, and yet that doesn’t fill you up. It’s like expecting droplets from a tap to fill an ocean. You will only get frustrated and the other person will feel worn out from the constant expectations hence labeling you “too demanding.” Please note in this case there is nothing wrong with either parties, it’s just an issue of being wrongly placed or call it misplaced expectations. Each of these people can find individuals who appreciate them for who they are. There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. And I believe that it’s also ok to have expectations from certain people in our lives. a married couple is expected to be faithful to each other and they should expect this of each other. I expect loyalty from my friends and they expect this of me too, I expect great things from God and nothing less, my son expects love and attention from me and that is what I will give him. The problem comes in when we expect things from people who don’t have these things to offer.

Our next discussion will probably be on how to deal with unmet expectations but for now;
Have expectation for every area of your life, your marriage, friendships, job, employers and MOST IMPORTANTLY FROM YOURSELF!!!

I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE!!!!

Mathew 25:14-28

While reading the parable of the talents what came to my mind is COMPARISON. Growing up as a younger lady, I witnessed many young people myself inclusive, suffering from comparison/esteem issues. Sadly it doesn’t stop there, it goes into adulthood for most people.

Most of us live our lives through other people’s eyes and not our own eyes. We want to have what others have so as to be happy. We define beauty, success,excellence,progress,love etc through comparison. This situation is made worse by social media where everyone seems to have it all together. However, everyone is allowed to live their lives how they chose to, people will not stop posting their gorgeous bodies, beautiful homes,lovely partners just because someone out there has a self esteem or comparison issue. Comparison is therefore dealt with internally and personally. And it must be dealt with because it always leads to discontentment and even worse vices like murder,theft, adultery you name it.

When the master was giving out the talents in this parable, he gave each according to his abilities. He knew that the one he gave 5 talents was capable of handling 5 talents likewise for the others. He thought about each of them individually and then gave accordingly. I want us to imagine what would have happened if the servant that was given one talent or the one that was given two decided to look at the one with the 5. Here is what I can most assuredly tell you,disgrantlement,anger, jealousy,bitterness,strige,theft and even disloyalty to the master would have been the result. Not to mention a lack of multiplication would have resulted.

Fortunately for these servants,yes the one with the 1 talent inclusive,they looked at what they had each been given and worked with that. One fact that we all need to learn quite early in life and that I hope parents will take the time to teach their children is that there will always be different NOT BETTER but rather DIFFERENT out there. I believe it’s time for humanity to look inwards. On the inside of us are different abilities, talents,hopes ,dreams and potentials.

It’s time for us to use infinity as a yardstick while looking inwards. At the end of the day what we need to be more focused on is are we growing, are we progressing and are we putting our best foot forward?

If yes, than we are being faithful because in the end, the master only settled accounts with his servants based on what they had done with what he gave them each. He did not compare the one with the two talents to the one with the five talents. He congratulated them both because they had both done their best.

God expects you to grow what He has given to you. Whatever you have, don’t MAINTAIN it but rather MULTIPLY it.

FOCUS

What you focus on magnifies! what you water grows! the grass is greener where you water the ground! Most of us are familiar with these sayings. To me what these sayings translate to is focus.

I have come to appreciate the power of focus. Growing up as a young Christian, there was more emphasis on the devil and all his agents and the destruction they could cause than there was on who we are as new creations in Christ. We were taught more about hell than heaven. I remember back then my church would hold movie nights and on this particular movie night we were treated to a Nigerian movie, those who have had a chance to watch Nigerian movies have an idea of what I am trying to communicate here. The title was HIGHWAY TO THE GRAVE. From that day forward, my Christianity was run on the fear of going to hell and what the devil could do. Back then, the devil was shown to be all powerful just through how much attention was given to him. Its of late that I am truly learning where my attention should be as a Christian, and that is my righteousness in Christ Jesus.

One time in my high school they had to bring in a priest who prayed for us for 3 whole days, from 8am to 11pm. The situation was dire and there was a lot of fear amongst the students that some of them had started creating scenarios in their minds and experience strange happenings. Walking back to the dormitory after these prayers was quite hilarious, we would walk in groups close together and singing “there is power in the blood” However when something shook in a dustbin nearby, everyone took to their heels forgetting the power in the blood. I still laugh when I remember this, though it wasn’t at all funny then.

Let me use an example that is very close to home. Ladies you know when you go to the salon to braid your hair. Do you realize that when you constantly keep checking in the mirror and touching your head, you get frustrated because there seems to be no progress? However, if your attention is on your phone or let’s say a movie on TV, to your shock the same job gets done faster…why is that? FOCUS. Am I saying that when you want to get something done very fast dont focus on it, certainly not, focus actually leads to high levels of productivity? What I am saying is that when faced with a task, focusing on completion will make you fail to enjoy the process and will make the journey even seem longer. FOCUS ON ENJOYING THE JOURNEY

Another example. When we were children many of us if not all of us fell and bruised our knees. Our parents in their wisdom knew what would happen if we kept focusing on the wound and so they told us not to always look at the knee cos it would not heal. Sometimes they would even tie a handkerchief around it so that it would stay out of site (yes bandages weren’t that available in my village). Why did they tell us this, because they knew when it’s exposed or open we would disturb the healing process through peeling the dry skin and the wound would open afresh or we would just keep touching and in the end infect it more.

By focusing on something, we magnify it. Be it as simple as a wound or as complex as sin and condemnation. The Bible says we are dead to sin. We are not conscious of sin but conscious of righteousness. Focusing on sin is focusing on something you are dead too, something you were already saved from. For so long I struggled with certain sin in my life but it seemed no matter how much I tried to avoid the sin, I would find myself entangled once more. However, something changed when changed my focus.

Changing your focus means also changing your environment. Your environment influences your focus. I was in an environment where sin thrived and had to change to one where righteousness thrived. In this environment I was constantly told how I am the righteousness of God, and it sunk in cos I focused on knowing all that I have in Christ and sin lost its hold on me. please note that I didnt run from the darkness, I simply focused on the light and the light gradually chased away the darkness.

If something is bothering you, Change your focus. Philippians 4:8 to me talks about focus, we are to think on whatever things are of good report. Life has challenges and distractions but let’s choose our thoughts and focus diligently. The strength of depression, stress, fear, sin and anxiety is FOCUS and their solution is also FOCUS. All self esteem issues are as a result of focusing too much on other people and what they have going for them and in the end, we miss our purpose. Same with self-centeredness or selfishness.

Now I know better that what I give my attention I give power over me. I know how to direct my focus because I know it either feels me with peace or fear. I would like to give you a simple solution to sin, fear and all life’s issues. Change your focus. It’s not the ultimate truth and there are probably other ways, but for me this worked.

Always remember, your focus determines your reality.  Qui-Gon to Anakin, Star Wars Episode I

POSSESSION

I believe that all things are of God and that prosperity comes from God.
So the question is, why are most Christians not living in abundance even when the Bible tells us that it’s God’s will for us to prosper in all things, (yes as a Christian you are to have all things and that includes money too).

Here is my analysis, most people, Christians inclusive believe that things should automatically happen. We believe that we are powerless when it comes to our destinies. Well, I will tell you something that will shock you..you are in charge. Whether you fail or succeed is all up to you. Christians have prayed their destinies away believing that God will come and drop their needs and desires at their doorsteps. Don’t get me wrong, I know the power of prayer and know that God is all-powerful and can do anything. However, He has given us the power and authority to do all things.

My pastor Moses Mukisa once said, “prayer is not in the success equation, it’s in the revelation equation.” It’s about time we as Christians woke up and did all that we can do because God already blessed the works of our hands. Pray for revelation and then go out and work. It’s not God’s will for you to live in lack and desperation. After all, ACTION is the bridge between the inner world and the outer world.

Most times we resign into certain habits and conditions because we are just lazy(passive), we expect everything to come automatically and easily or we just get tired of working. Let’s take an example of a person who is obese, you can’t pray your way into a smaller size per say, you have to exercise then you will see results. It’s s the same with everything else in life, Take action!

Joy, peace, Prosperity, Generosity, etc are all yours to defend, Your sanity, Your health all these are part of the things Christ died for you to have together with the forgiveness of your sins (Gal 5:22-23). So go ahead and start those businesses, apply for those jobs, invest in those ventures, and pray as you go along.

Don’t forget that God has already freely given you all things, whether u see them or not. John Maxwell in his book Intentional living says;

As long as you can live without your miracle, you will.

God promised the Israelites the entire promised Land, but they didn’t take it all at once. Though it was all theirs by promise, they had to mature or grow into full possession. So here it is…you are solely responsible for what you possess although all things are yours by promise. We always have what we earnestly want.

Call it what you want and believe it or not, ALL THE POWER FOR YOUR PROSPERITY AND SUCCESS IS IN YOUR HANDS. God has already done all the work and provided everything for your well-being, by faith reach out and take your possession. Build that bridge – ACT

The past vs the unknown….

Valz day brought alive feelings in me that are only natural I must say. Feelings of longing, day dreaming and wishing for a beautiful love. I have been in love and I know how wonderful it can be. The thought of having someone think about you and appreciate you is indescribable. So I looked back on where I had been when it comes to love. It was a beautiful place but it also turned out to be a dark place.

I had one of those long on and off love stories, one that you tend to think will last forever-but never do. One that I should have walked away from earlier but didn’t because I felt I would never meet anyone better or maybe because I thought I didn’t deserve better or better still it was all that I had known-it was familiar territory and i kept falling ack to it and with all my might I HELD ON TIGHT until it broke me into so many tiny pieces that I am still picking up till now.

However in the midst of the storm I found strength, purpose and I am discovering myself day by day. Now I know I was made for better and I deserve good things. And I know that when I finally meet some one new I will have so much to give and pour into them and into my children. We can’t fault people for how they treat us because sometimes and most times we allow them to, because we don’t know who we are and what we deserve.

So today I want to encourage someone out there who is holding on out of fear thinking that they will and may never get something or someone better-you will, KNOW YOUR WORTH and as a Child of God listen to your spirit and be obedient. And once you have moved to a better place, don’t look back THERE IS MORE AHEAD

And for those who are doing what they love, have found their purpose and are with whom they love, enjoy-Love is beautiful.

When God Ran…..

He ran to me,he took me in His arms, held my head to his chest and said my son’s come home again. He lifted my head, wiped the tears from my eyes with forgiveness in His face,  He said son do you know I still love you? He caught me by surprise, when God ran ( Phillips, Craig and Dean)                       

Just like so many other people out there if not everyone,I have struggled with my share of self condemnation and guilt. I have made mistakes that I know were stupid.

At such times of feeling unworthy and so ashamed, God is the last person we look to and so just like the prodigal son we ran from home (God), hoping to find solace somewhere else

Our featured song for this week talks about God’s love for us and it’s a story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). Romans 8:35-39 talks about how nothing will and can ever separate us from the love of God, not even you.

I am a mother and to some extent I think I understand a parents love for a child, how about God’s love for you? A love that didn’t spare His only Son, who could ever love you that much,-NOT ME

So here is the deal, STOP IT, stop the condemnation, forgive yourself and come home. Come boldly to your father and trust me He will welcome you back with the warmest embrace and you will realise that His love for you NEVER EVER CHANGED.

Therefore the only thing we should do during times of feeling ashamed and unworthy is COME BOLDLY (Hebrews 4:16)

I AM….

I am on a journey to self discovery. Before this year, I wondered what my life would add up to. I dreaded the thought of being just another statistic.

I knew I was made for more and I want to experience the possibilities outside of my comfort. I love music and it speaks to me. It gives me strength and takes me to places in my mind that are beyond the human touch. Today the song that spoke to me was defying gravity from the play Wicked. This song has such a powerful lyrics and in my mind I defy gravity when it plays. Part of lyrics that i love is;-

“Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. Am through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, It’s time to trust my instincts,close my eyes and LEAP”

Today I hope you will take time to listen to it and imagine all the possibilities of things you can be and I hope you will have the courage to be those THINGS.

Life is a journey Experience-Explore-Experiment

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton